


When Times Are Rough

by BlueKhaos



Series: The Winter Soldier & African American!Reader Trilogy and Side Stories [1]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Death, F/M, Falling In Love, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Interracial Relationship, Love, Reader-Insert, interracial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-19 02:36:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2371367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueKhaos/pseuds/BlueKhaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being kicked out of her apartment, the reader meets Steve and Bucky. A friendship blossoms between the three, but will that happiness last? (Please read notes inside!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just Your Luck

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I hope you're doing well. I just wanted to mention something about this fic. Even though I’m portraying the reader as African American, I still encourage you guys to read it. I usually keep fanfics non-descriptive about race so everyone can feel included, but I really wanted to do this. I hope you guys enjoy it nonetheless!

It was a gorgeous day in Brooklyn. The weather was clear, kids were playing in the water from a hydrant, disgruntled drivers were honking their horns, and your stomach…well that was growling. As you sat on a bench, you rubbed your stomach, frustrated at the fact that you did not have any food as well as a home.

Three weeks ago, you were kicked out of the apartment where you had lived for 23 years. You grew up not having much. Your father had died from tuberculosis when you were ten and your mother was currently in a hospital due to complications of pneumonia. You had very little money and paying both the rent and your mother’s treatment was difficult. Eventually, your landlord was fed up with the lack of payments and you were kicked out. The only things you managed to take was a bag, some photos of your family, and the two other dresses you owned. Your whole life was falling apart.

So here you were, in the middle of the park looking quite pitiful. Your dress was a bit dirty and your shoes were scuffed. Your dark hair was slightly disheveled and your warm, brown eyes looked tired from the bags that grew underneath. Your stomach groaned again, angry with you for not giving it the food it demanded. You wrapped your arms around your stomach and clenched your eyes shut. How were going to get through this? How were you going to help your mother? You were so caught up in your thoughts and pain, you did not notice the two boys who were coming over to you.

“Are you alright miss? Do you need any help?”

You looked up to see who spoke. In front of you was a short blond whose eyes held concern. He looked as if he had been sick all of his life. Next to him was a tall brunette who appeared to have a boyish charm about him.

“Honestly, I’m not doing too great over here. I really could use a burger about now.”

Steve frowned at the answer. From your appearance and the bag that was sitting next to you, he gathered that you were probably homeless. He really wanted to help you.

“When was the last time you ate?”

“Umm...about two days ago?”

“Would you like something to eat?” This time it was the brunette who spoke up.

You were a bit hesitant to answer. You _really_ needed to eat something, but it wasn’t every day two white guys came up to a black girl out of concern for her well-being. The neighborhood where you lived was quite diverse, but there was still a lot of prejudice going around. The two of them seemed genuinely worried though.

“Please?”

Both boys seemed pleased with your answer and grinned at each other.

“Okay, let’s get you a burger. By the way, got a name, doll?”

           

           

           


	2. Provisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started this chapter really late and now it's past 7 in the morning. This chapter is a little longer than the first. Hopefully, I can put up the next chapter by Monday or earlier! Enjoy!

After introducing yourselves to each other in the park, you found yourself standing outside of a diner with Steve as you waited for Bucky to return with food. People who were passing by gave both of you odd looks due to the fact that you were disheveled and Steve was scrawny. You were growing more self-conscious about your appearance until Bucky finally came out.

“Alright guys. I got the food.”

“About time. I felt like I was a part of an exhibit at a zoo,” Steve mumbled.

You followed the two boys as they walked to God knows where. You were craving desperately for the burger that Bucky had in the bag he was carrying. You were about to beg him for it until you all stopped in front of a low-rise apartment.

“This is my place,” Bucky mentioned casually. “We can eat here if you’d like.”

You smiled at his offer, “That sounds good to me.”

The three of you walked up three flights of stairs before you reached Bucky’s door. As you waited patiently for Bucky to open the door, you noticed a nosy tenant who was peaking her head out of her doorway. The look that she gave you was that of distaste. For what exactly, you couldn’t pinpoint.

“Who’s that you got with you?”

Bucky rolled his eyes, slightly annoyed by his neighbor, “Just a friend of ours, Mrs. Lockwood.”

“Make sure you boys don’t get yourselves in any kind of trouble.”

 _‘The hell does she mean by that?’_ you thought angrily.

“Yeah, yeah. Have a good one, Mrs. Lockwood,” Bucky replied as he opened the door to his apartment. The three of you then entered.

The apartment was small, but cozy. There was a small kitchen, a table for eating, a couch and recliner near a television, and some doors that led to the bathroom and bedrooms. It was a nice little set up.

Bucky placed the food on the counter as Steve went to grab some stuff from the cabinets to put on the table. Bucky then turned to look at you.

“I’m so sorry for my neighbor’s behavior. She can be a real pain in the ass.”

Steve quickly corrected him, “You mean she _is_ a pain in the ass.”

“Same thing, Steve,” Bucky grinned as he ruffled the small man’s hair.

You giggled slightly at their silliness, “It’s no problem.”

“I don’t know if you want to clean up first or eat, but whichever is fine with me.”

“I really think I should eat first before I pass out or something on your floor,” you joked, although you weren’t kidding about feeling faint.

Bucky looked slightly concerned at your reply, “Yeah...that might be a good idea.”

After devouring that mouth-watering burger that you craved for so long, you were in the bathroom getting ready for a well overdue bath. You brushed your teeth with the spare toothbrush that Bucky gave you, then placed the clothing that he provided you to the side. He didn’t have any female clothing, so he gave you a spare shirt and pants. As you turned on the faucet and placed your dirty clothing in a pile on the floor, your thoughts drifted to your mother.

‘ _I hope she’s alright. I haven’t called her since I got kicked out and she doesn’t even know that we lost the apartment. I don’t even know what to do.’_

You turned off the water and tested it by dipping your hand in the bathtub. Pleased with the temperature, you stepped in and lowered yourself as you groaned quietly in satisfaction. The hot water felt amazing against your skin and you felt so relaxed compared to how you’ve been feeling for the past three weeks. You never wanted to leave this tub.

Of course, all good things must come to an end, so you cleaned yourself off and washed your hair before drying off. Your hair came out a bit poofy, causing you to pout.

‘ _Yeah, I’m going to need a hot iron comb to straighten this hair of mine.’_

You got dressed and headed back into the living room where Bucky and Steve were watching T.V.

Steve saw you and smiled, “I hope you enjoyed your bath.”

“Trust me. I did. I really appreciate your hospitality guys.”

You walked over to them and sat between them on the couch.

‘ _Damn, this couch is comfortable. Maybe I got too used to sitting and sleeping on hard surfaces.’_

You then noticed Steve’s face grow serious.

“Y/N, do you have any relatives that you can stay with?”

You frowned and dropped your gazed to your lap, knowing you had nowhere else to go.

“I don’t. The only person I have left is my mother and she’s in the hospital sick with pneumonia. She doesn’t even know the situation that we’re in.”

How could you let things get to this point?

Bucky spoke up, “Well…Steve and I were talking and we were wondering if you wanted to stay here with me? I might not be a great cook, but I think you’d be comfortable here.”

Your eyes widened at the kind gesture and looked between him and Steve.

 “A-Are you sure? I mean I don’t want to be a pest.”

“Nah, I promised you aren’t, doll. You’re definitely not annoying like Steve.”

“Hey!”

You ducked quickly as Steve threw a pillow at Bucky’s head.

“I kid, Steve!” Bucky chuckled at Steve’s reaction. “But seriously Y/N, it wouldn’t be problem. Anything to help you out.”

You were deeply touched and you gave him your answer.

“I’d be honored to stay here.”

Steve grinned excitedly, “Then it’s settled. Welcome to your new home!”

You were truly glad to have a place to stay warm and comfortable as well as two new friends who, unbeknownst to you, were going to be significant part of your life.


	3. Mother of Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this chapter was something else. I hope it wasn't too cliché. I'm excited to see what you guys think about it!

It had been a week since you’ve moved into Bucky’s apartment. Both Bucky and you were busy running to stores, trying to get items and clothing for your needs. At this point, you were itching to see your mother at the hospital. You had to tell her the situation that was occurring with your old apartment. You went to the living room of the small apartment and found Bucky reading a newspaper.

“Hey, Bucky. I haven’t seen my mother in a while, so I’m going to head out and visit her.”

Bucky put down the newspaper and turned around to look at you.

“Do you want me to come along and keep your company?”

You grinned at him and nodded, “Sure.”

The two of you had a nice little walk before you reached the hospital. You both stopped by the hospital secretary’s desk and then headed to your mother’s room. When you entered, you quickly frowned when you noticed your mother’s appearance. Her condition wasn’t improving.

“Baby girl, is that you? And who’s that handsome young man that you have with you?”

You couldn’t help but smile at your mother’s words.

“Yeah it’s me, momma. This is my friend Bucky Barnes.”

Bucky immediately went over to shake your mother’s hand.

“It’s a pleasure to meet, ma’am. Your lovely daughter over here has told me so much about you.”

Your face heated up at his compliment.

Your mother smiled at him, “And he’s a delightful fellow too, I see.”

You didn’t want to put a damper on such a happy meeting, but the predicament that you and your mother were in was important.

“Momma, I have to talk to you about something.”

Your mother knitted her eyebrows at the somber tone.

“Are you okay, hun? Did something happen?”

You felt your heart breaking slowly and your eyes became somewhat teary.

“We lost the apartment,” you looked down, not wanting to see her expression. You let her down.

Her eyes widened, slightly shocked. She knew you were struggling to pay the rent and for her treatment. She knew you were trying so hard for the both of them.

“Baby girl, none of this is your fault. If only I didn’t become ill…come here.”

All Bucky could do was stay quiet and watch as you went to hug your mother. He felt somewhat useless in that he wanted to console the both of you. He had to figure out a way to help you.

Now sobbing, you clutched tightly at your ailing mother.

“M-Mom this isn’t your fault. You did your best to take care of me and papa when he was sick. Now it’s my turn to care for you. I’ll find a job and everything will be better.”

You stood up, still crying, but you tried to wipe the tears away with the back of your hand.

“I was out on the streets for three weeks, but Bucky and his friend Steve helped me out and gave me a place to stay. They have bought me some time to get me back on my feet. I’ll get you the help that you need.”

Your mother looked to Bucky, grateful that he was there for you when she couldn’t.

“Bucky, thank you for watching over my baby girl. She’s the only precious thing I have left in this world. Please take good care of her for me until I get better.”

Your mother sadly, knew otherwise.

“I will, Mrs. L/N. I’ll protect her,” Bucky said determinedly. “I swear on it.”

After spending a couple hours with your mother, Bucky and you returned to the apartment. You were feeling slightly better knowing that your mother wasn’t upset at the situation. You both would figure things out. As you kicked off your shoes by the door, Bucky called out to you.

“You know, I wasn’t kidding about protecting you.”

You turned to look at him with a small smile on your face, “I know, Bucky.”

You were thankful for such kindness. If it wasn’t for both Steve and him, God knows where you would be right now.

He walked up to you slowly and took one of your hands in his.

“But…I want to do more for you. Let me help you pay for your mother’s treatments.”

You could not even begin to fathom what he was saying. He wanted to help pay for your mother’s treatments? What did you do to deserve such benevolence from him? Someone was seriously looking out for you.

“Bucky, I couldn’t let you do that. I mean, we are still getting to know each other and I couldn’t ask more of you. You have already done so much for me and for that, I’m grateful.”

Bucky couldn’t help the smile that was growing on his face and he gently squeezed your hand in reassurance.

“You didn’t have to ask. I was raised to help and be kind to others. There’s no greater reward in that itself. I’ll be more than happy to provide the support that you need.”

You wanted to cry _so_ badly. This was just too good to be true. Where in the world did this man come from? You just could not believe your luck in meeting someone with such a noble heart. You definitely have to find a way to thank him as well as Steve.

~~~~~~

The phone in the apartment began to ring loudly, waking you up from your slumber. You looked at your alarm, wondering who would be calling so damn early. It was around 3:21 in the morning.

‘ _What an ungodly hour.’_

You knew Bucky slept like a log and wouldn’t be getting up anytime soon, so you got up and walked into the living room. You picked up the object that was letting out the offending noise and answered.

“Hello?”

“Ms. L/N? It’s Dr. Malloy.”

Your heart clenched at the way he spoke. Was something wrong?

“Um…yes?”

“I don’t know where to begin. Y-Your mother’s health began to fail and…we tried to do everything in our power to help her, but she’s gone. I’m so sorry, Ms. L/N. I truly am.”

You stared at the wall, rooted to the ground at the news. She was gone. Your mother was gone.


	4. In My Time of Need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Sup guys. I have produced another chapter from the depths of my imagination. This one is much lighthearted compared to the last chapter. It was a lot of fun making little Steve such a smartass. Too cute for words. As for the fifth chapter, I'll have it up sometime this week. I really need to finish my assignments because I procrastinated. Regardless, enjoy this chapter. Enjoy the feels!

Day after day, the weather seemed to mock you. The clouds painted the cerulean skies, the wind was warm and gently caressed your body, and the branches of the trees that lined the streets swayed along with the motion of the wind.

You had no means of paying for a funeral for your mother, so Bucky offered to pay for her cremation. The ceremony was short, but it was sweet. Two of your neighbors from your old apartment, Bucky, Steve, and yourself were the only ones who attended the service. After that, you had her urn placed in a mausoleum, next to your father’s.

The apartment was quiet. Steve and Bucky sat in the living room as you stayed in your room. It had been four days since the ceremony, but you still needed time for yourself. Little did you know, Bucky and Steve weren’t having any of that.

“She needs to get out for some air, Buck,” Steve spoke. He understood how you felt. His father was killed in The Great War and his mother had died from tuberculosis. 

“What should we do?” Bucky asked.

“Well, there’s always Coney Island.”

~~~~~

You found yourself at the amusement park with Bucky and Steve. Although it was the evening, the bright lights from the different attractions lit up the area. There were so many people and the energy was amazing. Children were playing games, screaming could be heard from the rollercoaster, and couples strolled about the park. You had to admit, it was good that you came out.

“So, what should we do guys? Should we go into the House of Mirrors, ride the rollercoaster, or bumper cars?” Bucky asked.

You wanted to start things off slow, “Let’s try out the House of Mirrors first.”

Bucky winked at you, “You got it, doll.”

The three you headed over to the House of Mirrors and when you entered, the laughter began. You stepped up to the mirror which stretched out your hips and thighs horizontally. You couldn’t help but giggle.

“Honey, these hips surely don’t lie.”

Bucky and Steve laughed uncontrollably at the distortion. Bucky looked at the mirror across from Steve.

“I see you grew a couple inches there, Rogers.”

Steve being the quick-witted person that he was, promptly replied.

“And I see your head is the size of a lemon.”

You had to hold your stomach, because you could not stop laughing at the two smarty-pants. They were really something else.

After more laughing and witty retorts, the three of you left the attraction and headed to the Cyclone. As the three of you stood in line, Steve swallowed dryly.

“Are you guys sure about this?”

“What? Are you scared?” Bucky joked.

You poked Bucky’s side and smiled at Steve, “Shush, Bucky. Be nice. I’m sure you’ll be alright, Steve.”

The next car pulled up, and the three of you took your seats. Steve sat by himself in the first row and Bucky and you in the second. The car pulled off and started its ascension up the hill. You could hear thrilled shouts from the back of the car and you started to grin.

“So are you scared, Ms. L/N?”

You looked at Bucky with an excited smile, “Are you, Mr. Barnes?”

After those words left your lips, the car plummeted down the hill. Some women started to scream, scared out of their minds, but you were laughing as if you were eight again. As the rollercoaster twisted and turned, Bucky couldn’t help but enjoy your ecstatic laughter. He’d like to see you laugh more often.

The rollercoaster finally came to a stop, but before you and Bucky could get out, you saw Steve hop out of the car and run over to a nearby bush. The sound that came from him told you that he wasn’t feeling great. Bucky and you made your way over to his side.

“Easy there, Steve. How are you feeling?” Bucky asked.

“Like utter crap,” Steve answered as he proceeded to throw up again.

You looked around to see if there was a water fountain close by.

“Let’s go over there. You can drink some water to help you feel better.”

When Steve finished taking a sip, he chose to sit on a nearby bench as Bucky and you walked around and took in the scenery. The both of you stopped by a carnival game.

“Thank you both for cheering me up. I really needed it.” You were just so caught up in losing both the apartment and your mother, that you didn’t seem to be concerned about your well-being. Your mother would have wanted you to be happy. She died knowing you were in good hands.

Bucky shook his head, “It’s no problem. I’m happy that we could get you smiling again. It’s a nice look on you.”

As you looked up at him, a thought popped into your head.

_‘His eyes are so pretty. Whoa! Wait a minute. Did I just…’_

“Would you like a teddy bear?” His question broke you out of your thoughts.

“A teddy bear?”

He laughed, “Yeah, no trip to the amusement park is complete without you leaving with a teddy bear.”

“Alright then, Bucky. Let me see what you’re made of.”

~~~~~

The three of you rode on more rides and before you knew it, it was time to head home. As the three of you walked towards the exit, you carried the cute teddy bear that Bucky won for you. It was a brown teddy bear with blue eyes and a white ribbon around his neck. You simply adored it.

Some people noticed your little group as they passed by, staring at the odd combination of friends. Others wondered which boy gave you the bear. The three of you, on the other hand, were used to the looks that you received and smiled proudly as you all headed home. The three of you didn’t care one bit.

When the three of you reached the door to Bucky’s apartment, you heard a familiar, and rather annoying voice.

“That girl is still staying with you?”

Bucky let out an annoyed groan while you and Steve shook your heads in irritation.

“First off, this girl’s name is Y/N. And secondly, she lives here now.”

Mrs. Lockwood replied rudely, “Well, I have never! Wait until the landlord hears about this.”

Bucky opened the door and looked straight at her, “I’m pretty sure the landlord doesn’t give a damn about who lives in this building. Maybe I should talk to him about getting your ass out of here!”

The bitter lady huffed angrily and slammed her door shut. Good riddance.

Finally entering the apartment, Steve sat in the recliner as you went to lie across the couch. Bucky headed to the cabinet to fetch a cup.

You sighed, “I thought my ears were going to fall off. I don’t know how a person can be so ignorant.”

Steve chuckled at you, “Well, maybe something crawled up her ass and died.”

Bucky walked over to the couch with a glass of water. You lifted up your legs and when he sat down, you placed them into his lap. You had no intentions of sitting up.

“What I think Mrs. Lockwood needs to do is get laid,” Bucky mentioned casually as he took a sip of water.

You chimed in, “I think that’s exactly what she needs.”

The three of you laughed at the idea of her getting laid. She was too much of a bitter, old bat.

After some time, you finally stood up and stretched as your joints popped in all the right places.

“Well, guys, I’m gonna hit the sack. I’ll probably start looking for a job tomorrow. And thank you once more for getting me out of the house. It’s just what I needed.”

Bucky stood up as well, grinning at you. His took one of your hands and placed a kiss upon it.

“Farewell, sweet Juliet. May you be graced with the loveliest of dreams.”

Your face heated up, but both Steve and you snickered at Bucky’s silliness.

“Yeah, have a goodnight, Romeo.” You did like how soft his lips were against your skin. _‘Damn.’_

Bucky let out an amused chuckle and let your hand go. You snatched your teddy bear off the couch and went over to give Steve a hug before heading to your room for the night. Bucky’s eyes seemed to be stuck to your figure as you left until a low whistle could be heard coming from Steve.

“Did Cupid smack you with bow?”

The corner of Bucky’s lips began to tilt up at his friend’s question.

“I think so.”


	5. The Second War

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost, I want to apologize for any typos that you see within this story. I try to go over the errors as well as use spell check, but I still seem to miss some errors. I'm sorry. :(
> 
> Outfit for latter part of the story: http://www.polyvore.com/1940s_getup/set?id=166895007

The voice of Louis Armstrong flowed throughout the apartment as you stirred the hot soup over the stove. Your hips swayed as you sung to the song “La vie en Rose.” It was now December and it had been about 6 months since you moved in with the handsome Bucky Barnes.

You had finally found a job as a receptionist at a hotel and it was decent pay. Thanks to the job, you were able to save up some money and contribute to the rent. It was hard initially finding a job. You were still living in a time where people felt you were better off as a nanny or maid. Thankfully, some New Yorkers didn’t feel that way and you were lucky enough to get the position.

As for your friendship with Bucky and Steve, it continued to grow each day.

Steve, although he was small, felt like an older brother. He wasn’t afraid to fight a guy who treated you disrespectfully. He often came home with a bloody lip, but he didn’t care. Steve was truly a wonderful man. Any girl would be lucky to have him.

As for Bucky, you began to notice the little things he did to get your attention. He would tug a lock of your hair, hide the teddy bear that he won for you, or he would make stupid jokes just to make you laugh. He seemed to have a way of making your heart skip a beat.

As you turned off the stove, you heard the door unlock and Bucky walked in with Steve behind him.

“Whatever you’re cooking smells amazing,” Bucky said as he took off his scarf and gloves. His nose was pink from the cold weather.

‘ _Why does this boy have to be so darn cute?_ ’ you thought.

You grinned at him as you poured the soup into three bowls, “You guys came back just in time. I made some tomato soup. Hopefully, it’ll warm you up.”

After putting their coats away, the three of you sat at the table with your soups, discussing how your afternoons were going. The music that was playing throughout the apartment was quickly cut off by a news report.

_“Ladies and gentlemen, we have an urgent report. At 7:55 am, Hawaiian time, Pearl Harbor was attacked by Japanese aircrafts. We are still getting reports on the death toll as well as how much damage was done to the base.”_

The three of you sat in a state of shock, your soups now forgotten. How could they do this? The United States did not want to have any part in the war.

“Those damned bastards!” Bucky yelled in anger.

You jumped slightly. You never heard Bucky sound like that. Honesty, it scared you a bit.

“I can’t believe they did that. We did nothing to provoke them,” Steve said.

How many innocent lives were lost? All you could do was sit there numbly. What did this mean for your country?

~~~~~

The country was now officially joined in the war. Several men were drafted and some enlisted to help in the war effort. Bucky and Steve wanted to help out as well. For two weeks, Steve and Bucky had been visiting the local gym, training so that they both could enlist in the military. You, on the other hand, was worried. You knew war was unforgiving and that you could lose the both of them. They were the only two people precious to you, but regardless of the circumstances, you would be supportive of them.

The day finally came for both Bucky and Steve to enlist. Bucky was registered, but Steve was rejected because of his poor health. Secretly, you were relieved that Steve wasn’t going to war, but it broke your heart to see him so dejected. It still did not stop him from trying to register at different places under various names. As for Bucky, you were worried. You were constantly counting the days you had left with him. Your heart felt heavy.

Time passed and it was now the evening before Bucky was scheduled to leave for England. You were home reading a magazine as you waited for Bucky and Steve to come back. The three of you decided to do something fun before Bucky was shipped off. The famous Howard Stark was having a demo at the World’s Fair in Queens.

“We’re home!” Bucky’s voice rang out as you turned to look at him. You bit your bottom lip when you saw how nicely his uniform fit him. He was handsome.

“Wow,” was all you could say.

“I know, right? I look pretty good in it.”

“Don’t let it get to your head, Buck. We don’t need to have your big head rolling off your shoulders,” the blond man said.

You covered your mouth with your hand to cover a snort. Ah, good ole Steve.

Bucky quickly put Steve into a headlock as you stood up from your seat.

“I’m gonna go get ready while the two of you knuckleheads harass each other.”

After some time, you were putting the finishing touches on your outfit. You wore a knee-length black dress with white polka dots and black shoes. The dress hugged your curves in just the right places. You had bouncy curls in your dark hair which complimented your doe brown eyes. You wore red lipstick and some mascara. In other words, your look could knock a man out cold.

When you stepped out of your room, you were a bit nervous. You haven’t dressed up like this in a while. You walked into the living room and both Bucky and Steve saw you. The look on their faces had you feeling self-conscious.

Bucky didn’t know how to breathe in that moment. His eyes widened and his jaw immediately went slack. He knew he was attracted to you, but this? You might as well had knocked his military hat square off his head.

‘ _My God, she is gorgeous.’_

You rubbed your arm awkwardly as you shifted your weight to your left foot.

“So, are you guys ready to go?”

It took a minute for Bucky to snap out of his reverie and he answered.

“Yes, ma’am!”


	6. Farewell, Sweet Romeo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to watch clips from the first Captain America to make some things work with the story. I also had to borrow a small amount of dialogue from the movie, so just a heads up. Marvel owns the lines just like they own Bucky's and Steve's souls. Not me. Nope.
> 
> Andddd, make sure you guys have some tissues and a teddy bear close by. My eyes got all watery writing this.
> 
> Outfit: http://www.polyvore.com/1940s_getup/set?id=166895007

You were so excited to see Howard Stark. He was quite famous as well as a dashing fellow. Although his demonstration of a new car model had malfunctioned, you still had a great time. Bucky, on the other hand, had a much better time watching your gleeful reactions.

‘ _I’m going to miss her smile.’_ He frowned slightly at that thought.

“Are you okay, Bucky?” You wondered why he was frowning.

Bucky looked at you and quickly replaced his frown with a smile.

“I’m fine, doll. Are you enjoying yourself?”

You smiled brightly at him, “Of course I am!” Shortly after, you noticed Steve was missing.

“Uh, Bucky? Where did Steve go?”

Bucky let out a groan, “I know exactly where he went.”

The both of you walked over to an area at the World’s Fair where men were being enlisted for the army. There you spotted Steve looking at a poster with soldiers on it. One of the men’s face was a reflective mirror so a person could see their reflection as a soldier. Unfortunately, Steve was too short. Bucky walked up behind Steve and gave him a small shove on his shoulder.

“Hey, you’re cutting in on the last few hours of our time together,” Bucky joked.

Steve turned around to his friend, “You go ahead, I’ll catch up with you guys.”

Bucky’s face grew serious, “You really going to do this again?” 

You didn’t like when they started to argue. You understood how they both felt. All Steve ever wanted to do was help his fellow countrymen, but Bucky was too worried about Steve and how rash he was.

“Well it’s a fair. I’m going to try my luck.”

“As who? Steve from Ohio? They’ll catch you. Worse, they’ll actually take you.”

Steve remained calm, not willing to back down.

“Look, I know you don’t think I could do this.”

Bucky looked fed up with his friend’s persistence.

“This isn’t a back alley, Steve. This is war.”

“I know it’s a war. You don’t have to tell me.”

“Why are you so keen to fight? There are so many important jobs.”

“What am I gonna to do? Collect scrap metal?”

That was the last straw for you.

“Enough the two of you! All you do is constantly bicker about this war. Nothing good is coming from this. Please just stop!”

Both men grew quiet. You were right. All they did as of lately was argue over this damn war. They were supposed to be out having a good time.

Steve felt bad, “You’re right, Y/N. We’re sorry.”

You shook you head, “It’s alright, Steve. I just want us to be happy.”

Bucky started to back up towards you, still facing Steve.

“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.”

Steve replied, “How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.”

Bucky couldn’t resist his friend’s quip and went back over to hug him.

“You’re a punk.”

Steve hugged back, patting his friend on the shoulder.

“Jerk…be careful.”

Bucky walked over to you and grabbed your hand, but before you both left, you heard Steve.

“Don’t win the war until I get there.” His words earned him a mock salute from Bucky.

~~~~~~

You and Bucky walked around for a bit and looked at some more inventions before you both decided to rest. You found a nice little garden with some trees that provided some privacy. Both you and Bucky sat on a nearby bench. It was nice to spend some time alone with him before he left Steve and you.

“So…did you have fun tonight?” Bucky asked.

You rested your head on his shoulder and sighed happily.

“It was fantastic. We have to do something like this again when you come back.”

You both grew quiet, feeling miserable that you wouldn’t see each other for a while. Maybe never again. He didn’t want to leave you, but it was too late for that. He wanted to tell you how he felt about you. Bucky hoped that it would provide you with some comfort while he was away.

“Y/N, I wanted to speak to you about something.”

You lifted your head off his shoulder, giving him your full attention.

“What is it?”

Bucky’s blue eyes locked with your beautiful brown ones. They looked so warm. It reminded him of being home in that small apartment with you. His eyes then trailed down to your plump, red lips which were slightly parted.

_‘Screw it.’_

Bucky wove his fingers into the dark curls of your hair and crashed his lips against yours. Your eyes immediately fluttered shut at the contact and you wrapped your arms around his neck. Bucky worked his soft lips against yours and licked your bottom lip. You quickly obliged and tangled your tongue with his. An appreciative groan was caught in his throat. Both of you eventually pulled away, resting your foreheads against each other as you caught your breaths.

“I love you. I love you so damn much, Y/N.”

You pulled back slightly to look at him. You then touched his cheek gently.

“I love you too, James Buchanan Barnes.” Your eyes began to water and your voice cracked. “I don’t want you to go.”

Bucky pulled you into a hug, kissing your hair as you began to cry.

“I promise I’ll come back to you. I won’t leave you all alone. I’m definitely not leaving you to get harassed by Mrs. Lockwood.”

You let out a small laugh, but your heart still hurt knowing what was to come. Bucky pulled away slightly and reached into his pocket for something as you wiped away your tears. Your running mascara probably made you look like a raccoon.

“I wanted to give you something to hold on to until I come back.”

You felt Bucky take one of yours hands into his and felt something cold against your palm. It was a gold necklace with a ring on it. You gasped at how beautiful the piece of jewelry was. When you picked it up, you noticed an inscription inside the ring.

“ _Always yours, now and forever._ ”

Bucky smiled sadly, “It belonged to my grandmother. After she passed away, my grandfather gave it to me. He told me to give it to a girl who made me feel as if I could devote the rest of my life to her.”

You felt the tears threaten to fall again and smiled, “Bucky…”

“So, please just hold on to this for me. Wait for me.”

You placed a gentle kiss against his lips.

“I will.”


	7. Letters, Pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thank you for being so patient with me. I'm going to attempt to write the next chapter tonight, but I'm so exhausted. This chapter is also a teeny bit shorter compared to what I usually write and I hope it's not crappy. T^T
> 
> Just as a heads up, the Letter chapters will be in three parts. I'm just trying to line things up a bit with the movie to tie the plot together. It will still be focused on the reader's side of the story. You'll see what I mean.
> 
> Lastly, again I want to apologize for any discrepancies that I might have in my writing. I got back an essay tonight and it was noted that a I have a small issue with tenses. I was already aware of it, so I thought about how it might have affected my writing here. I'm doing my best to make sure everything is written properly, so please forgive me. I'll get better!

Everything was so quiet now. The apartment felt even smaller with just you in it. Some weeks had passed since Bucky was shipped out and you missed him terribly. To add to your loneliness, Steve was gone too. After your tearful goodbye with Bucky, you went to find Steve so you could go home together. When you found him, you were shocked to find out that he had actually managed to register for the army. He had finally done it.

The good thing though was that they both promised to write to you. So now here you are, running down the stairs of the complex to see if you received any letters. After you opened the mailbox in the lobby and took out its contents, you quickly made your way back up to the apartment. You shuffled through the mail as you sat at the kitchen table, only for your face to light up when you found letters from both Steve and Bucky. Quite naturally, you opened Bucky’s first.

Dear Y/N,

            How’s my beautiful girl doing? I can’t believe it’s been so many weeks since I last saw you. It’s an odd feeling honestly. I hope that you’ve been doing well and that you haven’t had trouble with that cranky old bat. I also hope that work isn’t driving you crazy.

            Since we’ve arrived at this place, all we’ve been doing are drills. Kinda boring to be honest. The food is…well it’s terrible. I wish they could ship us some of your cooking. I could really use some of your homemade chicken soup. It hasn’t been all that bad though. I’ve met some decent guys here. Talking about decent guys, how’s that knucklehead Steve doing? I hope he hasn’t been picking fights while I’ve been gone.

            I hope I’m not boring you. I’ve never really wrote letters to girls before. Sorry if this letter is crappy. God, I miss you. I miss your smile, I miss your beautiful brown eyes…your soft hair. I just miss you. I can’t wait until I get back to you. Just continue to hold on to that ring.

Always yours, now and forever,

Bucky

P.S. I love you so damn much.

You bit your lip, trying your best not to tear up. How can a guy make you miss him like this? You went to your room to fetch some paper, a picture of yourself, lipstick, and a pen. You then returned back to the table. One of your hands went to play with the ring hanging around your neck as you thought of what to write back.

Dear Bucky,

            I’ve been doing well, although I know I would be happier if you were here with me. I agree, it is an odd feeling to be away from you. It feels…empty. Work has been the same. It’s been a bit hectic this week. We’ve been having a lot of guests coming in from other states. Maybe there’s an event happening somewhere close by. I don’t know. As for the old bat across from us, she hasn’t said anything to me. She knows she can’t get me kicked out, but she still gives me dirty looks. So damn miserable, I tell you.

            I would help you with your food situation, but unfortunately, my food would rot by the time it gets over there. I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t like my cooking then. When you get back, I promise to make you a huge pot of some chicken soup. It’ll make you forget about all that terrible food. I’m really happy to know that you’ve made some friends. Make sure not to put each other in headlocks, since that’s your specialty with friends. Steve, well…he’s not here. I tried to talk him out of it, but he was enlisted. He was shipped out not too long ago. I’m really worried about him, Bucky. I’m worried about you.

            You could never bore me, Bucky. Never in a million years. And I miss you too. All I ever seem to do is think about you and pray for your safety. I’m sending you a picture of me to have while you’re away. So...hold onto that picture until you come back to me. I love you always. Don’t forget that.

Your Juliet,

Y/N

After reading over your writing and being satisfied, you applied some lipstick and kissed the letter at the bottom. You thought it was a silly thing to do, but it was cute. You were happy. You then read Steve’s letter and wrote one to him. You wanted to try your best to be a supportive friend. You knew he wanted this for so long, but you hoped for his safety.

You sealed up both letters and headed down to the mailbox outside where you deposited them. All you had to do now was be patient and wait for their replies.


	8. Letters, Pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this chapter is a bit short. I felt like this chapter was a bit hard to write. After the ninth chapter, writing should become much easier again. I hope you like it.

A year had gone by, but you continued to write to both Bucky and Steve. You couldn’t tell if your time apart from the two males had become easier or harder. Nonetheless, the letters provided you much comfort. You also adopted a furry companion sometime during the months alone. It was a long-hair cat that you named Cyrus. He was a mischievous thing. His jade green eyes always seem to follow you.

After sometime, you started to notice a lack of letters from Bucky. It was rather concerning for you. You knew it was normal for letters to come late. Bucky went on a lot of missions and you understood that those things happened. This length of time on the other hand was odd. This prompted you write a letter to Steve.

Dear Steve,

            How are you doing? I hope that your missions are going smoothly. You know I won’t stop worrying about you. Come home soon. I miss you and Cyrus wants to meet you.

Steve, I know that you’re in a different unit from Bucky, but can you make sure he’s alright? I haven’t been receiving any letters from him lately. I know that he’s busy fighting a war, but I feel like something isn’t right. I can’t explain it. When you have the time, please try to see if everything is okay with him. Make sure to take care of yourself too or else you’ll get an earful from me. Love ya, Steve.

Your favorite worry-wart,

Y/N

A week had passed by and you still did not receive any letters from Bucky. You were definitely on edge now. Fortunately, you received a letter from Steve. You did not hesitate to open the letter when you returned back to your small apartment.

Dear Y/N,

            I also stopped receiving letters from him as well. I know I shouldn’t be telling you this because it’s against the rules, but you deserve to know what might have happened to Bucky. About a month ago, 200 men from Bucky’s unit were sent out to fight against a group of Nazis, but they were captured. I have a bad feeling Bucky was among them. Let’s just hope that I am wrong.

            I received a mission to rescue the men from Bucky’s unit. If he’s there, I’ll get him out. I know it’s not wise to make promises in these situations, but I swear I’ll bring him back to you. I’ll also let him know that you’re worried about him. Take care of yourself and Cyrus. Love ya too.

Sincerely,

Steve

Reading the letter honestly made your heart drop. What if Bucky was captured? Or worse? You felt completely useless. You wished you could help, but you knew that wasn’t possible. Cyrus rubbed his body against your legs, as if sensing your distress. You picked him up and gathered him in your arms as you curled up in the recliner. He purred affectionately at your gentle caresses as you tried to remain calm. You just hoped that you would hear something soon and that it would be good news.


	9. Letters, Pt. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! How are all of you doing tonight? I would've had this up sooner, but I was with my bestie all day. 
> 
> Anyways, here is the last part of the Letter chapters. It's also longer than the last two, so I'm super happy. Enjoy!

Again, you found yourself standing in the lobby of the complex. You wanted to open the mailbox, but you were afraid. What if you got a letter from Steve saying Bucky was gone? What if there weren’t any letters at all? No, you had to be brave. You had to see if both Steve and Bucky were alright.

You took out the key for the mailbox and slid it into the slot. With a deep breath, you twisted the key and opened the door of the mailbox. You took out the mail and that’s when you stopped breathing. In your hands were letters from both Bucky and Steve. You brought the letters to your chest and let out the breath you were holding.

‘ _They’re alive. Bucky and Steve are alive.’_

A small laugh left your mouth as the tears made their way down your face. You haven’t even opened the letters yet, but the feeling of relief was almost too much for you. You headed back into the apartment and you were greeted by Cyrus who immediately meowed at you. A smile was stuck on your face as you walked into your bedroom and sat on the bed.

You immediately opened Bucky’s letter first, but before you could read it, two photos fell out. You picked both of them up and looked to see what was on them. The first picture was group of men, but you noticed Bucky standing among them, smiling. There was also a blond male standing next to him who looked oddly familiar. Your eyes quickly widened when you realized who it was.

_‘Oh my God is that Steve?! H-How is that even physically possible?!’_

You couldn’t believe or even fathom what you were looking at. It wasn’t normal, but you would ask him about it in your letters. You looked at the second one and it was just a picture of Bucky. He looked so tired and dirt was smudged on his face and clothing, but he was grinning. Even in the face of war, he still managed to bring a smile to your lips. You flipped the back of the photo and found some writing.

_Missing you every day. – Bucky_

Placing the photos next to you on the bed, you looked at his letter and began to read.

Dear Y/N,

            I’m so, so sorry. Steve told me how worried you were about me. I didn’t mean for you to get scared like that. I feel terrible, doll. I believe Steve already told you, but I was captured by the enemy along with my comrades. It was horrible. They killed so many men and a small group of us were taken away. We were tortured and they were forcing us to work.

I got sick while I was there, so HYDRA…our enemies took me away to some other room. My friends tried to stop them, but they were easily subdued. I couldn’t even help them fight back. I don’t want to tell you what they did to me back there. It was like a nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from. The only thing that got me through it was you. You were my light in that shithole of a place. I had to concentrate on getting back to you.

Eventually, Steve found us. I don’t even know where to begin with him. I didn’t know it was possible for a scrawny kid like him to turn into…well that. I asked him what happened and you know what that punk said? _“I joined the army.”_ Typical Steve. I know it wasn’t spinach that did that to him though. Steve and I were about to make it out of that hellhole when we bumped into the guy who was responsible for this mess. What the guy did next almost made my skin crawl. He took off his face…he took it freaking off. He looked like a man with a red skull. It was like something out of horror flick. I knew then we weren’t fighting just any regular war.

The man got away and the building started to collapse around us. Steve was going to stay behind to fight him, but I wasn’t going to leave him. Not again. Everything happened so fast, but we made it out and now I’m back. Again, I’m so sorry, Y/N. Please forgive me. I hope this damn war ends soon so I can come back and marry you. I love you, doll.

Always yours,

Bucky

You were so happy to know he was back in one piece, but you knew he still wasn’t safe. As long as this war continued to rage, anything could happen. It also hurt you to know that even though he was tortured, he felt so guilty about worrying you. None of this was his fault. How could you even think to blame him? And that man he talked about. Are they even fighting a man? Is he even human? You closed your eyes and took in a deep breath.

_‘Be positive, Y/N. Bucky and Steve will get through this.’_

You put Bucky’s letter to the side and went to look at Steve’s.

Dear Y/N,

I did it. I got Bucky back. I’m not going to lie, but it was a difficult job. I found him strapped on a table and he was mumbling something. I don’t know what they did to him, Y/N, but he was out of it. Thankfully, he came around and naturally he was shocked to see me. If you got the pictures from Bucky, I’m pretty sure you saw how I look now. I’ll tell you about it when I come back to Brooklyn.

We were about to escape from the place and we crossed paths with the man, if you can call him that, who started this. His face…it was a mask of some sort. He took it off and he just looked like something that crawled out of hell. He got away though, but he almost killed me and Bucky. The building was about to come down on us, but we got away. I’ll find this guy and he’s going to answer for all the harm he’s done.

We’re back at the camp and everything is a little calmer, but I expect more missions are underway. I hope everything is okay with you. I know you’ve been so worried about us. We’ll be home sooner than you know it. Take care of yourself.

Sincerely,

Steve

P.S. Remember that girl that I told you about? Peggy Carter? I think that I might be interested in her.

You were so happy that your boys were safe. You could now sleep a little better at night, knowing that they were back. Unfortunately, you weren’t sure how long that peace of mind would last.


	10. Let the Search Begin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bruhhh, lemme tell you. I didn't sleep at all between this and the last chapter. I also was doing hella research on Captain America stuff and WWII for this. It's almost 8am and the sun is coming up. Sorry for any minor typos or spellings. I tried to revise it as best as I can. I'm so sleepy lol.
> 
> This chapter is another long one so yayyyy!! And do you know what this means? We're almost at the end of this fic, but don't worry. This is a part of a much larger plan. >:D

They stopped. The letters stopped coming. This time, both of them weren’t writing back. It had been about a year and several months since you last saw Bucky and Steve, but you were still receiving letters. You thought everything was alright as they came back from mission after mission in one piece. You felt so naïve, letting yourself feel that everything was going to get better. You didn’t even receive a telegram from the military to let you know if anything bad had happened. Was it because you weren’t next of kin? Or were there other reasons? You needed answers.

You walked to the place where Bucky and Steve first tried to enlist. You weren’t sure that it was the right place, but it was the only one that you could think of that might provide some answers. As you entered, you noticed that the place was extremely busy. Men were waiting or getting ready to be examined for enlistment. Nurses and doctors were moving about to test volunteers. Secretaries were either talking on the phone or preoccupied with helping others. You walked up to the counter where one of the secretaries were and waited patiently for her to finish talking on the phone.

The secretary looked at you, but continued to talk on the phone. You had a feeling she didn’t care too much. She seemed to be having a conversation that had nothing to do with the enlistment. A man came up to the counter next to you and waited for her as well. Almost immediately, she said her goodbyes and hung up. What she did next made you want to leap over the counter and slap her. She began to talk to him and help with him whatever he needed.

_‘Why am I not surprised?’_

As you were about to walk out, you saw a poster on a bulletin board next to the door for a job position.

_“Want to do your part in serving the country? The Strategic Science Reserve needs both men and women to aid in war efforts. Positions that are currently being offered are guards and secretaries. More positions are soon to come!”_

_‘Didn’t one of Steve’s letters mention something about this place?’_

An idea suddenly popped into your head. It was absolutely insane and you weren’t sure what you were going to get yourself into, but you were determined. You were getting your damn answers.

~~~~~~

You don’t know how you did it, but somehow you managed to get one of the positions of secretary at the Strategic Science Reserve. Thank goodness for some of your experience as a receptionist back at the hotel. It was heartbreaking to leave the hotel that you enjoyed working at for so long. Your manager and co-workers were sad to see you go, but they were happy for your new position. Your new job provided units to live in while you were away from home. Fortunately, they allowed small pets so you were happy that you could bring Cyrus along. Another great thing about the job was that they paid significantly better, so you would be able to send money to your landlord. 

You covered the furniture throughout the apartment with sheets to keep them clean while you were away. Afterwards, you packed up your belongings and stuff that you needed for your cat. When you were done, you headed out and locked the door behind you. You were about the head down the stairs when you heard Mrs. Lockwood.

“You’re finally leaving? Good riddance. I don’t know why they let you stay in the apartment while that boy was away.”

You turned to her and smiled, “Don’t worry Mrs. Lockwood. I’ll only be gone for a little bit. By the time Bucky and I come back, I’m pretty sure we’ll be planning for our wedding.”

The look on her face was priceless, but you didn’t care to look as you headed down. It was time to focus and head out to your destination.

~~~~~~

The journey to the reserve was long and tedious, but you were finally there. You had a couple of days to settle in and get familiar with the place. The reserve was large and filled with scientists and guards roaming about. You only had access to some parts of the place, seeing that you were just a secretary. You also noticed that you were the only person of color there, which for some reason was expected.

 _‘Not like they were hiring much colored folks to begin with.’_ You rolled your eyes at that sarcastic thought.

To be honest, it was a little exciting, but fun wasn’t what you were here for. You needed to remain focus on your task ahead. Before you could start your job, you needed to attend some type training in order to learn more about the job you would be performing. You walked to the lobby in the main section of the reserve and looked at the paper that gave you directions. You frowned slightly. This part of the reserve was quite large and you still had trouble finding some of the rooms in the building.

_‘So much for having time to look around…’_

You were so busy trying to figure out where to go, you didn’t notice a woman walk up to you.

“Hello, do you need any help?”

The English accent pulled you out of your thoughts and you turned around to see who spoke.

_‘Whoa, she’s super pretty.’_

The woman had chocolate brown hair and honey colored eyes which were complimented by her red lipstick. She was dressed in a brown jacket with two winged accolades on both sides of her collar and a knee-length skirt. She carried an air of confidence, but had a warmth about her. Was she someone from administration?

“Um, yes. I’m a new secretary and I’m looking for the room where they are holding the training session.”

She smiled brightly and extended her hand for a shake.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Peggy Carter. I’m the Operations Supervisor for the Strategic Science Reserve.”

Your jaw dropped in shock as well as amazement.

_‘No way. No freaking way is this the Peggy Carter Steve was fawning over.’_

“Please…please tell me you’re the Peggy Steve was talking about.”

Peggy began to frown at that reply and lowered her hand.

“You know Steve?”

“Yes, I know scrawny...well not so scrawny Steve. And I know Bucky Barnes as well. I’m his -”

“You’re Y/N? His girlfriend?”

Now it was your turn to frown.

“Yes. How did you know my name and that as well?”

She smiled sadly, “He and Steve always talked about you. They used to write letters to you all the time. What are you doing here?”

You knitted your eyebrows at her words, not liking how it sounded.

“What do you mean _used_ to? And to be honest, I’m looking for the both of them. I didn’t receive a telegram informing me about Bucky or Steve despite the fact that they were supposed to be sent to me. I don’t know if it was because I’m not next of kin or if it was because I’m of color. I tried to go to one of the enlistment centers, but I had no luck. Then I saw one of the posters for a position here at the reserve. I know. It seemed like an extremely far-fetched idea, but here I am.”

Peggy felt bad for you. You looked so worried, but your drastic actions showed how determined you were to find those close to you. It seemed like the three of you went through so much trouble together as well as separated from each other. Now, she had to be the bearer of bad news. It was going to be tough for her, having to think about Steve and what he did to save the people of New York. To save you. You deserved to know what happened and she would be the one to give you the answers.

Little did you know, an odd little man with a bow tie and round glasses was listening to your conversation. 


	11. The Beginning of the End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I hope you are all well. Here is the next chapter. Have fun!

You clenched the ring that hung around your neck as your body was wracked with sobs. You were inconsolable and it felt like your heart was being ripped to shreds. Bucky and Steve died giving their lives for their country. They were the only two you had left and they were gone, just like your parents. Peggy understood your pain and wanted nothing more than to help you. She sat next to you on the couch in her office and pulled you into a soothing hug.

“It’s all because of that red-faced bastard. He took them away from me.”

Now rubbing your back she spoke up.

“I know. He’s responsible for this, but he’s gone now. Unfortunately, we need to take out any remaining connections to HYDRA.”

Tears were still running down your face as you looked at her.

“I want to help you take them out. I don’t know how I can do that as a secretary though…”

There was a thoughtful look on Peggy’s face.

“I can have you work as my personal secretary. I can train you to defend yourself. Taking on HYDRA is dangerous, but I feel that this offer can be of use to you.”

You pulled back slightly from the hug, not quite sure you heard right. You wanted to fight for both Bucky and Steve. Even if you couldn’t bring them back, this would be your way of thanking them for all they’ve done.

You wiped the tears from your face even though your eyes were bloodshot.

“What if I screw up?”

The brunette offered you a small smile.

“You won’t. You’ve made it this far and you’ll make it further. So will you take my offer?”

You nodded, “You’re damn right I will.

~~~~~~

Another year had passed and the war was coming close to an end, but you worked tirelessly night and day. It was really hard, but you did what was necessary to help Peggy take down the rest of HYDRA. Things were changing for the better to ensure world peace. Peggy and the famous Howard Stark were in the works of creating an organization called S.H.I.E.L.D. It would serve to protect innocent lives from threats and wars. You looked forward to being a part of such a historical event.

Learning how to defend yourself was another difficult task. You had never been in a fight in your life and handling a gun was certainly a new experience. When you weren’t working on secretarial tasks, Peggy was teaching you how to aim down targets or how to take down a person. Each time you returned to your living quarters, your limbs were in pain. You promised yourself that no matter how difficult things got, Bucky and Steve’s sacrifices would not be in vain. You owed them that much.

You sprawled out on your bed, exhausted from another training session. Cyrus hopped on top and lay down on your stomach as you thought about the last few weeks. You turned your head towards the nightstand and took up the picture you had of Bucky. You touched the picture, wishing that it was really him that you were caressing. You missed him so much. You had been looking forward to him coming back home and putting that ring on your finger. You could have been planning a wedding and maybe a family. All those dreams were gone now. Sighing deeply, you placed the picture against your chest and stared at the ceiling.

_‘I’ll do right by you, Bucky. We’ll find those bastards.’_

The next morning, you headed over to Peggy’s office to help her prepare documents for some new missions. When you entered, Peggy was standing with a pile of folders that contained highly classified information. She then walked over to you and presented them.

“Y/N, you’ve been a tremendous amount of help during these tough times and for that, I am grateful. I consider you to be an honorable friend and trustworthy, so I believe that you deserve to know the extent of what Steve and Bucky faced during the war. I know that both of them told you some things in their letter about their missions. These documents will provide you all the answers that you seek.”  

You were speechless. Since you’ve been working at the reserve, you wanted to know the exact details of what Bucky and Steve went through. As a secretary, it wasn’t your place to know certain information. Peggy saw how determined you were to help fight against HYDRA and felt you were trustworthy enough to give you that information.

“T-Thank you. You don’t even know how much this means to me.”

Peggy placed a hand on your shoulder.

“I’m happy that I could help.”

Just after Peggy spoke, a short man with round glasses walked through the doorway.

“Excuse me, Ms. Carter.”

Peggy and you turned around to see the source of the voice. When Peggy saw who it was, she walked over to him.

“Dr. Fleischer, how are you today? What brings you to my office?”

“I’m am well, Ms. Carter. I wish to speak to you about the materials that we need for some experiments.”

Peggy waved you over as she answered the strange man.

“Let us discuss it, but before we do, I would like to introduce you to my secretary and friend.”

You walked over to the pair and the man glanced at the documents in your hands. He then offered a hand which you shook.

“My name is Y/N. It’s is a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Fleischer.”

He smiled, “The pleasure is mine, Fräulein. It is quite refreshing to work in the presence of such beautiful and intelligent women.”

With that statement, you said your goodbyes and headed to the comfort of your room. You were nervous about what you would find in those documents. When you got to the room, you sat at the wooden desk across from your bed and placed the documents down. You stared at the documents for a bit, many thoughts racing in your head. You took a deep breath and opened the first file.

It was around midafternoon and you had finished reading the last of the documents. You leaned back into your chair, feeling overwhelmed by what you just read. Steve was injected with a serum and had become something called a super soldier, Bucky was tortured and experimented on, a doctor named Zola was trying to replicate the serum, and Red Skull had a magical artifact. Even the cause of Steve and Bucky’s deaths had threw you off. Peggy had told you that they died, but not how. It was just too much.

You went to lie on the bed and curled up next to Cyrus, who was sleeping soundly. You just wanted to fall asleep and forget the terrible things that your boys went through.

~~~~~~

You were sleeping when you were awakened by sound of Cyrus hissing. You were startled, never hearing your cat sound like that. When you opened your eyes, there was a gun pointed in your face. Cyrus leapt off the bed in an attempt to attack the armed man, but was smacked aside harshly with the gun. You heard a small thump and it was quiet. You clenched your jaw, trying not to cry at the death of your cat.

“Ah, what a shame. That was a beautiful cat too.”

You stiffened when you heard who spoke, “D-Doctor Fleischer?”

The doctor and another armed man stepped out from behind. The doctor smiled wickedly.

“The correct name would be Dr. Arnim Zola, Fräulein. I am afraid that you need to be eliminated.”

You wanted to kill him. The atrocities that he committed were unforgivable.

“You sonuvabitch! How could you be such a monster?!”

“I preferred to be a called a man of science, dear child. My innovative ideas will help to shape the future.”

“How? By killing and torturing people?!”

“You must understand that death paves a way for progress. Just like that of your friend Steven Rogers.”

You froze slightly at his statement.

“How did you-”

“Don’t be so surprised. We know everything about your friend and the people who he was connected to. Especially, your significant other, Bucky Barnes. In fact we found this on him.”

Zola threw a photo on the bed and when you picked it up, you gasped. It was the picture you had sent him in one of your letters two years ago.

“You could imagine my surprise when I found out you were here, working with Ms. Carter. I must admit, I find your story of hardship and perseverance inspiring, especially since people of your color are treated so distastefully in America. And your loyalty to your love ones? Very admirable.”

“What is your damn point, Zola?”

His smile grew wider, making his face look somewhat distorted.

“I would have killed Ms. Carter, but that would be too suspicious and I need her create S.H.I.E.L.D. I initially thought killing you would stop you from interfering with my plans, but I have a much better idea. There is another experiment that I wish to test and you would be the perfect subject. I wish to create another weapon and you would surely be a thing of beauty.”

You looked at him fearfully. The things that you read about in those files made you sick to your stomach. You didn’t want to go through any of that.

“If it is successful, consider it my gift to you. I might even keep you as a pet. You will also make a great partner to my other weapon.”

You swallowed thickly.

“A partner? You made a person into a weapon?” You were about to cry. _‘This can’t be happening.’_

“You’ll see soon enough, Ms. L/N. Soon enough.” Zola made a motion to the man holding the gun in front of you.

You felt something hard slam into your face and everything went black.


	12. Goodnight, Sweet Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the last chapter of the fic. I'm so happy with how it came out. This whole story was a rollercoaster from start to finish.  
> I also want to thank you all for reading it, commenting on it, and giving out kudos. You all really motivated me and for that, I am grateful. By the way, don't forget your tissues!

You had no idea where you were. You were captured and flown to an unknown location. After you had landed, you were promptly shoved into a small car. You were soon joined by Zola and his guards. The car drove through a dense forest and the only source of light was from the headlights. You were frightened. You knew you put your life in a danger working at the reserve. You just didn’t know things would end up like this. No one was coming to save you.

The trees became scarcer and soon you were able to see a building that had several guards surrounding it. The car came to a stop and soon enough you were pulled from the vehicle. The cold winter air brushed against your skin, immediately chilling you to the bone. You put up a small fight despite having your arms bound. You were not quite ready to go down yet. It was a useless attempt that earned you a backhand to the face.    

Zola walked ahead and the guards dragged you over to the entrance of the building. When the door opened, you were greeted by blinding light and tortured screams. Your blood ran cold and your breathing became shallow. As you walked through the halls, windowed walls and opened doors bombarded you with the sight of people being experimented on. One man was strapped to a table as he was injected with liquids. His face contorted in pain and blood-curdling screams escaped his lips as he struggled to break free. It was horrifying to see these things in person.

You and the guards followed the wicked doctor into a large room with several scientists and guards, but what you saw made your heart stop beating. It was as if time suddenly slowed down and you found yourself looking into familiar blue eyes. They were tired and almost dull, but what caught your attention was the glimmering metal arm.

“D-Doll?”

The nickname snapped you out of your reverie as you looked back at Bucky. You quickly pulled out of the guard’s grasp and ran over to your lover. The guard that was holding you made an attempt to pull you away, but Zola motioned for him to stay put.

You started to cry as you kneeled before Bucky. You attempted to touch his face with your bounded hands.

“I can’t believe you’re alive! T-They said you had died!”

Bucky’s eyes started to tear up as he leaned his forehead against yours. He placed his arms around your shoulders to comfort you.

“I thought I would never see you again, Y/N! How did they find you?!”

Your little moment was interrupted by Zola’s voice.

“Your lover has been searching for you and your friend, Sergeant Barnes. She has traveled a long way to find you.”

Bucky brushed his human hand against your cheek before glaring at the doctor.

“What are you going to do to her?”

Zola smiled, “The same thing I plan to do with you. I will make her into a weapon.”

Bucky let out a sharp snarl as he pulled you closer to him.

 “The hell you will, you damn bastard!”

The doctor laughed. He thought it was cute how protective the soldier was.

“Sergeant Barnes, you and Ms. L/N will become weapons unlike anything that the world has seen before. You will bring glory to HYDRA and fear to all those who resist us. Don’t worry though, you’ll always be with Ms. L/N. Too bad you both won’t remember each other.”

The guards pulled you away and you began to kick and scream. Bucky grabbed one of the guards with his bionic arm and threw the man away from you. The other hit Bucky in the face with the butt of his rifle, causing him to fall down against the chair. The guard then grabbed you as the other one came back over to assist him.

The doctor smiled, quite entertained by the chaos. He then looked to one of the scientists.

“After you finish working on his arm, wipe him, and then put him in cryofreeze. When you are done, joined me in the other lab so that we might begin our new experiment.”

Some other guards placed Bucky back into the chair, this time strapping him down as you were dragged out of the room. You sobbed as you heard him scream your name and you screamed his in a failed attempt to reach out to him. You both were going to be tortured and turned into monsters.

The worst part of it though, was knowing that the two of you would never remember each other again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you know what this means, guys? SEQUEL TIMEEEEE!!!!!
> 
> Aren't y'all excited?


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